Banks Embrace New Technology

-Wichita, KS. With technology screaming into the future, banks around the country are scrambling to keep pace. Many banks are offering online banking and mobile check depositing in an attempt to capture customers attention with promises of convenience and ease of access. Wichita Trust Banks is leading the charge with what they hope will be a slam dunk in the game of consumer convenience by utilizing a new technology by HandyBanker, LLC.

The HandyBanker interface is intuitive and almost completely automatic. © neirfy -
The HandyBanker interface is intuitive and almost completely automatic.
© neirfy –

HandyBanker is a sophisticated program run on an iPad that is situated near the door of the bank. As people enter, the iPad reads the customers financial information, via advanced Biometric scanning technology, and automatically queues up their account info. The program can pick up the credit card numbers via ultra sensitive electromagnetic induction then match that information with the features of the person in possession of the credit or debit card, increasing security and consumer confidence.

“HandyBanker is basically a friendly, ultra efficient teller,” Chad Sturgis, the CEO of Wichita Trust Bank, explains. “The advantage is that we can fit this virtual, high tech teller on an iPad. This lowers cost since we don’t have to pay iPads anything and we can shift our now available workers towards more useful segments in our local economy, like working the drive through at McDonald’s or maintaining the vending machines at the local bowling alley.”

Not only is the HandyBanker quick and secure, it advises, and in some extreme cases, manages the customers account withdrawals and debits.

Mr. Sturgis is excited about this new tool in their customers belt. “It’s based off a powerful algorithm that spots spending trends. It then determines whether the current trend is positive or negative for the customers financial future and makes recommendations accordingly. If the customer repeatedly refuses the advice, then the programs advanced artificial intelligence begins taking over some of the smaller decisions that the customer would normally make. This way the customer can rest assured that their money is being spent, or not spent, in some cases, in a way that will help them in the long run, despite their strong inclinations to ruin themselves financially.”

While Mr. Sturgis admits it may be frustrating for the customers at first, he says that most of them become accustomed to the lack of responsibility. Many even sign up for the banks free online program “Saving Cash Really Elates Wichita”, also known as SCREW, which essentially takes over your money management for you, giving you the ultimate convenience of not having to look at numbers, use a calculator, or even go the bank.

We caught up with Andy coming out of Wichita Trust Bank for, what he claims, is the last time. “I really don’t have to come back. I mean, SCREW takes care of everything for me. It’s simple. If SCREW feels I’m spending too much, it simply locks down my account for some time and fines me a small fee as a punishment. It’s all done automatically for me. It’s OK, I mean, how can you care for someone if you don’t discipline them every now and again. What’s better than not doing anything and having a multi-trillion dollar corporation decide how I should spend my money? Obviously they know what they are doing.”

Wichita Trust Bank is located in Wichita Kansas, which is quickly becoming the banking capitol of the world. © HappyAlex -
Wichita Trust Bank is located in Wichita Kansas, which is quickly becoming the banking capitol of the world.
© HappyAlex –

Jesse is another customer doing business with the new HandyBanker system. Jesse found a trend in his records that seemed to indicate SCREW was spending all his money on an iTunes account registered to nobody. “I told the online SCREW consultant about the strange purchases. They told me they’ll take care of it and locked me out of my account. That way I wouldn’t be tempted to peek at the ledger and needlessly worry myself with all those confusing rows of numbers that never add up correctly. That’s a bank I enjoy doing business with. They take care of you and don’t want you to worry. No news is good news, my mom always said.”

Amy, another long time customer, likes SCREW. “I like how stuff randomly shows up from Amazon in the mail. It predicts what I want to buy before I buy it and just sends it. Incredibly thoughtful!”

Mr. Sturgis is confident that HandyBanker’s will soon be available all over the continental US. “Full service banking is the wave of the future. Sure, there may be some problems here and there, but with peoples patience and cooperation, we can make your bank account the last thing on your mind.”

He wrapped up the interview with this emotional call to the naysayers, “Embrace the idea, people like easy. Easy is here to stay.”



4 thoughts on “Banks Embrace New Technology

  1. Hi there very cool site!! Man .. Excellent
    .. Amazing .. I will bookmark your site and take the feeds additionally?
    I’m happy to find a lot of helpful info right here in the submit,
    we’d like develop extra techniques in this regard,
    thanks for sharing. . . . . .

    1. Hey there, apologies for that. The problem is that this website was created just last weekend and I got some cheap, two bit hosting service. I never dreamed it would get swamped by tens of thousands of viewers. I’m looking for solutions and have a few up my sleeve. Until then, just like Obama tells people regarding, come back when we aren’t busy. Haha

Pummel others with your wisdom!