Anchor Point, AK. U.S. Senator Robert Jameson (D, AK) angered his supporters over his apparent sudden change in stance concerning the environment and global warming when he said on Friday morning, “I don’t know why these wackos are so concerned about the world warming up. That sounds just peachy to me. All this [expletive] snow can go to [expletive].”
The change in Jameson’s tone is on cue with his return from vacation in Florida with his extended family. Jameson, long known for his aim at “healing the planet” and “keeping our planet hospitable” is drawing heat from Al Gore and the National Resources Defense Council (NRDC) both of whom have been Jameson strongest backers.
When asked to comment on Jameson’s policy 180, Al Gore said, “It’s rather selfish to destroy the ozone and make half the planet inhospitable just so you can enjoy palm tree’s and balmy weather in your home state.”
NRDC put out an official statement condemning Jameson’s apparent “conversion to right wing extremism” calling him a “traitor” and a “waste of bribe money.”
Faced with the coldest winter in Alaska’s history, however, Jameson seems to be warming up to the idea of not only easing up on regulations geared towards decreasing the earths temperature but has actually passed legislation he says will “warm up this miserable freezer chest of America as quickly as possible.” He added, “Those climate idiots don’t have to live in an igloo half the year.”
Jameson’s new signature legislation provides government subsidies for people buying less fuel efficient vehicles and encourages local municipalities to start a “Ignite the Night” campaign urging residents to burn their trash and old tires instead of recycling or dumping in landfills. Jameson has also invited up to one hundred and twenty more heavy industrial factories to Alaska promising tax breaks and easy regulations.
Jim Reeber says he likes the new laws going into effect. “I had a Hummer,” he said, “But bought a semi truck instead just because the government made it so cheap to own one. I like it because it blows this awesome looking black smoke and has an air horn.”
Nancy Sweigel hates the new law but admits it may be working. “The smoke around here from the tire fires is unbearable but it does seem a lot warmer already. Plus, the searing smoke keeps the Jehovah Witnesses from hanging around our town.”