Philadelphia, PA. The Philadelphia Eagles management announced they have indefinitely suspended their head coach Chip Kelly because he insists on calling the popular long sandwich commonly filled with meat and various veggies a “sub” in the regional dialect of his home state Oregon. Philadelphia, and the small region surrounding it which includes some of New Jersey, refers to the sandwich as a “Hoagie” and many are unwilling to bend on the dialect issue. (see the Hoagie/Sub/Hero Language map here) The management team denies that the decision has anything to do with the Saints game that dashed the Eagles Super Bowl chances.
“This is an issue we have been trying to address,” Jeffrey Lurie, the owner of the Philadelphia Eagles, says. “We insist he becomes one of us. Our fans demand it. Kelly, however, just can’t seem to get his language problem under control.” He added, “Screw the Super Bowl, this is a deal breaker for us.”
Indeed, Philadelphia fans are notorious for their knowledge of the game and for their rabid support of their local team traditions.
The controversy allegedly started when Kelly sent his aide to pick up “subs” for an event the Eagles were hosting. The local hoagie shop was outraged when the aide demanded subs instead of hoagies. The outrage spread like wildfire online when a Facebook page titled “Slap the Oregon out of Kelly” was started with hundreds of Facebook users liking it within months. Kelly did little to diffuse the situation later referring to the controversy in a press conference saying, “A sub is a sandwich. A Hoagie is something hippies smoke.”
It’s unclear whether or not the Eagles will bring Kelly back. Several sources close to the situation are claiming that the Eagles are already looking for a new head coach, preferably one that refers to the long sandwiches as “hoagies” and has extensive experience playing the Madden video games.