Obama’s SOTU Reassures Congress They Can Continue Accomplishing Absolutely Nothing

Amid great fanfare and applause Obama reassured members of the Congress in his State of the Union Address Tuesday evening that they can continue doing absolutely nothing at all, telling them that he has a “pen and a phone” and that he can run the entire country with those ordinary household items so that Congress doesn’t have to stress themselves out reading laws and arguing over things.

Washington, D.C. © Tupungato - Fotolia.com
Washington, D.C.
© Tupungato – Fotolia.com

The President continued with his narrative of equalizing income inequality and said that if Congress fails to agree with his his executive orders he’ll just circumvent Congress to “speed things along.”

The official Republican response seemed lackadaisical at best and, while the official GOP response was not yet released, several leaders of the Republican party were already speaking to reporters.

Senator John McCain (R-AZ), when asked about his thoughts on the SOTU, said,”I’m pleased with the President’s ambition. To manage this large country by himself is a daunting task and I’m impressed with his selfless takeover of my responsibility.”

Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) said in a statement to reporters, “Sure I may not agree with everything on the Presidents agenda but to fight for what I believe takes so much effort and may make some people angry.”

Many Republicans in the GOP leadership agreed, citing massive stacks of complaint letters, emails, and lit up phone lines as their main motivation to not do anything controversial or confrontational. “The new unifying direction for the GOP in the year of 2014 is apathy,” an official statement released to Republican party members states.

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