Utah Legalizes Polygamy; Critics Say Law Opens Up Possibility to Marry Animals

Utah lawmakers ruled Monday morning that polygamy, the practice of marrying more than one spouse at a time, is legal and should be allowed in the state of Utah because the term ‘love’ is relative and should not be constrained by the government.

Amy Lawrence is a lawyer with the American Civil Liberties Union. She says this is just a continuation of the evolution of marriage. “We’re seeing the term ‘marriage’ change from a special life commitment between a man and a women to a contract that can be signed by many parties of any gender or species. We may even see employers marrying their employees. Who has the right to say employers can’t love their employees? Who has the right to say that a dog owner doesn’t love their dog? You can’t impose your own version of marriage on other people. That’s messed up.”

Opponents of the bill say polygamy turns women into indentured servants and leads to bad relationships. But Thomas Baxter, a priest of the Church of the Latter Day Saints, says that it is not anyone’s right to put a limit on the love of a husband. “What right do those bigots have to say we can’t affirm our love to mass amounts of women?”

Photo credit: © Alena Ozerova - Fotolia.com
Photo credit: © Alena Ozerova – Fotolia.com

Jack Hales is a practicing Mormon who lives in Salt Lake City and operates a large farm on the city’s outskirts. He’s ecstatic with the new law saying he loves a plethora of women but feels like he has to discriminate against many of them because the government makes him pick just one to marry. “Now I can marry all of them,” he says. “I’ll have massive tax write offs now that I can list 75 wives as dependents.” He also plans on laying off most of his illegal work force since he says a good wife can work just as hard as an undocumented immigrant but comes with tax benefits.

Sheila Wyatt works for H&R Block in Salt Lake City. She says some clarification is needed on the specifics of the law. “The law removes the specifics to what marriage means. I had a farmer call us up asking that if he married his chickens could he write all 2,400 of them off of his taxes? After reviewing the law over the weekend, we literally cannot find a clause that says he can’t do that.”

In fact, many insurance agencies are creating life insurance policies for marriage contracts involving animals saying they are predicting the next clarification of the law.

Regardless of the protests of the hard core traditionalists, many are praising the move as the next step towards making the contract of marriage available to every living thing on earth. Lawrence says the ACLU is committed to watering down the term ‘marriage’ until it’s literally a meaningless word. “Love is a beautiful thing that should not be limited to one man and woman. We celebrate love wherever and however many times it shows up.”

Pummel others with your wisdom!