Starbucks Coffee has Aromatic Herbal Properties that Exaggerate Self-Worth, Study Shows

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© olly –

Can a cup of coffee make you feel like a superior person? A new study says yes.

Researchers found that the aromas from Starbucks coffee stimulate the cerebral cortex region of the brain which results in visibly increased self-confidence and exaggerated feelings of self-worth.

The herbal aroma has the strongest effect when the individual drinking the coffee tips their head back slightly and holds their noses up at a slight angle while closing the eyes. This creates an environment where the sinuses can absorb the coffee’s rich herbal aromas most efficiently. The study showed that habitual Starbucks coffee drinkers began striking this posture subconsciously whenever they had a cup of coffee in their hand and almost always reported having an exaggerated feeling of self-worth, saying they were more likely to ignore people who weren’t holding Starbucks eco-friendly coffee cups or wearing trendy glasses.

In an interesting twist, researchers found that other cheaper coffees did not have the same effect on the drinker. Don John, the Professor of Natural Herbal Medicines at Millersville University, was closely involved in the study. “Cheap coffee, such as McCafe or Sheetz specialty coffees, does not cause the subject to throw their head back and saunter while the Starbucks coffee clearly does.” John thinks this has something to do with the price point. “Starbucks coffee doesn’t process the aromatic herbal properties out of their coffee. So it costs more. The price causes the egotistical high that so many people find so addictive about Starbucks.”

Indeed, many subjects displayed a melancholy frown when they were denied Starbucks coffee for several hours even though they were offered cheaper coffee brands in the meantime. “They got very aggressive and many stated that they ‘deserve’ better coffee.”

McDonalds funded the survey and is planning on taking steps to promote wildly exaggerated self-confidence in their customers by printing inspiring slogans in big, bold colors on the side of McCafe cups that say things such as, “Superior people drink thrifty,” “Better humans love our mean beans,” and “Do it your way because they’re all idiots.” McDonalds says if that doesn’t work they can always just drastically raise their prices and kick ugly people who have no sense of fashion out of their establishments.

Starbucks took issue with the potential pricing scheme saying that if McDonalds adopts that pricing policy they may get sued for plagiarizing Starbucks successful business model.

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