Carnival Cruise Lines Adds “Buoyancy Discount” to Tickets, Causes Outrage

Thanks to Josh Snader from FacepalmNation.com for this article.

Carnival Cruise Lines announced a new optional discount called a “Buoyancy Discount” that will be added to their online ticket sales. The so called Buoyancy Discount is Carnival’s answer to diminishing profits. It frees up nearly 3,000 square feet on the luxury liners that was taken up by lifeboats but can now be used to board more passengers which helps to ease some tight budgets.

The discount is given to customers who weigh over 300 pounds and who agree to wear specialty suits designed to replace lifeboats. Jack Denner is the man behind the new initiative. He says the approach is rather scientific. “Fat is buoyant, right? So instead of wasting passenger space with lifeboats we decided to take advantage of our heavier customers ability to float well. They must agree to wear our specially outfitted lifeguard suit which is covered with handles so many people can grab on to them and use them as a flotation device. When they agree to those terms, which they can do just by checking a box during the checkout process, we give them a steep discount and a VIP pass to exclusive Buoyancy Discount buffet lines. It benefits everybody, it really does.”

fat guy suit

Not everyone agrees however. Many critics say that the new discount is racially motivated. “White Caucasians have an advantage when applying for this new discount since there are more fat white people than say, fat Asians,” says Donna Yale, director of the American Civil Liberties Union. “Asians can’t help that they don’t float that well.”

Advocates of the new found discount program contend that it is racially inclusive. Denner says, “Anyone can get fat. That’s the great thing about America. Everyone is welcome at the buffet of diversity.”

Nichole Mantz is a frequent vacationer who travels on cruise ships routinely. She likes the new initiative. “It’s comforting because instead of running up several stories to the lifeboats you merely find an obese person, push him over the railing, and hold on. It’s comforting because there are so many fat people on cruise ships that one is always close by in case the ship should suddenly hit an iceberg or whale or something.”

Carnival says the initiative is well underway and should be fully implemented on a national scale by the end of August 2015.

Pummel others with your wisdom!