Local Amish Man Earns Title as Time Magazine’s “Sexiest Man Alive”

Paradise, PA. Fifty two year old Omar Fisher, a local Old Order Amish, earned the title as Time Magazine’s “Sexiest Man Alive” shocking a community that has traditionally shunned involvement in mainstream culture and surprising many readers who initially thought the award was a hoax.

Time Magazine affirmed their decision Monday evening in a statement issued on their website saying that they chose Omar Fisher for a variety of reasons. “First, Omar has a beard that rivals even the most stalwartly of lumberjacks and since beards have been coming back in vogue we have considered his beard a real asset. The Amish have been a trendsetter in the resurgence of popularity of men and women’s facial hair.” The statement claimed that many other factors also influenced their decision. “Omar has been vocal in his opposition to modern cosmetic chemicals which contain many chemicals which harm the environment and we can’t help but notice and condone that.” Deodorant, shaving cream, and shampoo are nowhere to be found in Omar’s medicine cabinet. He instead relies on baking soda, pipe tobacco, and mint leaves stuffed in his shirt pockets to help mask the pungent odors that come from his farming lifestyle. “He has a really simple, sustainable lifestyle and it’s one we admire. He also looks very sexy with a large straw hat and a good amount of facial hair.”

Omar say’s the secret to his rugged good looks lies in his jeans. “They are custom tailored,” Omar says, “and fit only me.” His pants are so finely fitted that sometimes he has trouble taking them off, so he doesn’t. “It ain’t worth the hassle. I’ll just put them back on tomorrow anyhow.” Not only does he wear fine threads but he has a fitness regime that rivals even an average gym-goer. “I get up at the crack of dawn and hitch the mules to the plow. Then I stand on the plow until the sun goes down.” Even Omar’s beard, which has garnered international praise with the release of Time Magazine’s decision, has undergone a special grooming process. “I just spread my fingers out and then run my hands through it,” Omar says. “It’s a good place to dry your hands or to clean them when they got dirt on ’em.” The Lancaster County dirt, he claims, has medical properties that enhance his beards volume and lift. “It’s great dirt. I try not to wash it off.”

Tim Hughes is a marketing director of Lancaster County’s Department of Tourism. He claims the number of people seeking a simpler, healthier life coming and trying to assimilate into the Amish culture has skyrocketed and will probably continue to rise with this new development. Although many come seeking a new life, many fail. “They just don’t have the jeans,” Hughes says. “The Amish are groomed from birth to fit into the traditional flap fronted pants and are used to the fit. ‘English’ just can’t seem to wear the Amish pants without walking around all bow legged and squealing like little school children. It’s embarrassing and it usually only lasts two weeks before the convert heads home smelling of barnyard and defeat.”

Not everyone is excited about the prospect of an increased popularity in the Amish lifestyle. Jackie Keller is a native of Lancaster County. “The biggest downside of living here is the traffic. I’m not sure who drives slower, Amish or tourists. At least Amish use turning signals.”

 

Follow Josh Snader at his personal blog FacepalmNation.com where he just recently published an article entitled “You know you’re an Amish if…”

photo credit: “Portrait of Amish Man” by ggustin via iStock 

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