San Francisco, CA. On the brink of New Year’s Day celebrations, Google has unveiled a new app called Verti-Go designed for Google Glass to help drunk drivers get home safely. The app takes the feed from the techy eyewear’s video front facing video camera, analyzes the slur of the wearer’s speech as well as their shakiness to determine how drunk they are, then accounts for the late reaction time of the wearer and displays a corrected video feed in the lenses of the Glass. This helps the wearer respond almost normally allowing them to drive even if completely inebriated which helps them avoid things like horse and buggies, pedestrians, and pesky DUI checkpoints.
While many critics claim that Google is enabling drunk drivers, Larry Page, Google’s CEO, says that the new app saves lives and further demonstrates just how useful the latest Google tech can be. “What we are seeing here is the practical use of very sophisticated, geeky science.” The drivers, Page argues, would be driving anyway. “We can tell people not to drive drunk all day long but after they shotgunned ten beers they forget who they are, let alone some technical mumbo jumbo about alcohol blood levels.”
Donna Shania was a lead researcher in the app development. She says the app works remarkably well. “I drank until the world went backwards but once I put the glasses on I could stand up reasonably straight. I even drove, hammered, around San Fran for several hours without hitting one stationary object. Well, nothing of importance, anyway.” Shania has nothing but praise for the project. “Any company that gives me free beer is a great company for sure.”I even drove, hammered, around San Fran for several hours without hitting one stationary object. Click To Tweet
One of the downsides of the new technology is the cost. Critics say that impoverished people are the most likely to get drunk due to their miserable lives and so those who need the glasses the most can’t afford them. Page says that Google has been addressing that issue by handing out thousands of pairs of glasses to patrons at bars across the nation for a steeply reduced price. “It’s an easy sell because drunks see the importance of not getting caught while driving under the influence. Plus, they are drunk so it’s an easy sell either way.”
Despite the initial launch cost of the project, Page claims Google stands to make millions of the technology. “It’s a technology that will get even better with time. Soon we will have completely hammered people driving around demonstrating better driving skills than completely sober New Jersey drivers.” The technology is meant to fill a void in the market until Google self driving cars become common place, rendering the Verti-Go app out of date. Page says, “Regardless, we have at least five years until the self driving cars become commonplace enough to be a reliable means of transporting drunk people safely.”
“A new age of safe driving has begun,” Page says, “and once again it’s all thanks to technology.”
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