Strasburg, PA. The Dutch Country Experience has added a new experience to their tour: cow tipping. Tourists will be treated to a tour of the local farm land and the experience will be complimented by a how-to course on tipping cows. The experience will culminate with each participant getting to try their hand tipping their own cow.
Jake Stoltzfus is an experienced cow tipper who will be assisting the tour company on their new attraction. “I know a lot of people on the internets claim you can’t tip the cows but I’ve tipped them since I was a little boy milking them.” Stoltzfus demonstrates his skills by hitching up his broadfall pants, jumping over a barbed wire fence, and pushing a mooing black and white cow over, it’s useless puny legs unable to resist. “Thar ya go!” He gives us more insight into the process of preparing tourists to have a successful tipping experience. “I’ve been around the cows since I was just a little youngin’ so the cows think I am one of the herd. The trick is to get these high flutin’ tourists to smell and look like cattle.” The tour company took care of this problem by merely opening the bus windows on the way to the cow tipping pasture and letting the manure laden country air blow forcibly through the bus.
Another obstacle to streamlining the experience was the fact that cow tipping is usually done while the cows are sleeping standing upright, typically late at night. Since the tour is done during the day, the cows are wide awake and able to resist even the most determined tourist. Stoltzfus solved this by feeding the cows outdated sleeping medications from the local health food store. “They are basically drunk. Even a soft wind can blow them over.”
The pilot program has been a success with many participants giving it glowing reviews. “Great authentic experience,” said one tourist on Yelp. “By the time I was done with the tour I smelled and felt like a real farmer. I was broke, dirty, and sitting in the mud on top of a cow.”
Dutch Experience Tours is bracing for huge demand and are asking potential visitors to register ahead of time. Register at DutchExperienceTours.com/cowtipping