Focus Group: Donald Trump Thinks So Fast, He Skips Thought Processes and Rockets Straight to Conclusions

With the GOP primaries heating up, the front runners – Ted Cruz and Donald Trump – have been sizzling with rhetoric and one-upping, each candidate vying for the adoration of the GOP’s rebellious base.

While the two front-runners are running close as the Iowa vote approaches, one man stands clearly triumphant in Frank Putz’s focus group: Donald Trump.

The main reason Donald won the top spot? “Participants liked the fact that Donald Trump displayed insanely fast wit. It’s like he thinks so fast that he merely skips thought processes and rockets straight to conclusions,” says Frank Putz, the manager of the focus group.

The main fault of Ted Cruz, according to the focus group, was that he simply thought things out for too long. One participant puts it this way, “He has this annoying quality of trying to explain exactly what he means when he says things. For example, he says he’s eligible to be POTUS and then spends two minutes explaining why he is. I don’t want someone who is up there dancing around technical mumbo jumbo, I want someone who is wildly decisive in the heat of the moment. Donald skips the whole thought process of decision making and shoots straight to whatever conclusion is awesome at the moment.” The participant assumed that all the years Ted Cruz spent arguing in front of the Supreme Court had made him boring. “He’s just, you know, well, too smart to relate with the majority voters who are used to reality TV. He’s not electable. I can tell by the words he uses that he doesn’t even watch reality TV.”

Another common sentiment was that Donald uses shorter words and has a more digestible message. “While Ted is using words like ‘unconstitutional’ and ‘Supreme Court,’ Donald is laying waste with his brilliant quick thinking. Donald thinks so fast that he doesn’t even finish his sentences. He doesn’t need to. I want a President who is so smart he doesn’t even need to use English vocabulary to get his message across,” claims one woman in the group. Many feel Trump is better at contorting his lips in entertaining ways and waving his hands than he is explaining the basic tenant of the American democracy. In fact, that characteristic seemed to hit a chord with many in the group. The woman continued, “I love watching the debates, it’s like a TV show. I don’t have to grapple with issues, I just yell ‘go Trump!’ and I feel like I’m doing my part in fixing this corrupt government, whatever type that may be.”

Another issue with Ted is that he flip flops, according to many in the Putz group. “Yesterday he wore red tie, today it was blue. What the **** is that about? He can’t be trusted.” When confronted with some of Trumps major, sudden turnarounds on an incredible amount of incredibly important key issues, it doesn’t seem to phase many Trump fans. “Yea but he says his current opinions louder than his old ones, so that’s good enough for me.”

The attitude of the focus group was summed up nicely by one participant who said that Ted reminds him of a boring, responsible adult who concerns himself with technical details. “We don’t want someone who bothers teaching us about issues, we need action, loud noises, and an ego big enough to carry the free world on it’s back.”


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